starting over, yet again

i got to see nate last night, and it was really nice
we spent the night laying in bed and talking and laughing and goofing off and it was so incredibly refreshing, knowing that nothing has really changed between us
being in his arms, just laying there, i felt so safe
and then he looked in my eyes and asked me about getting back together, words i've been dying to hear from him since we broke up
and i just froze, because answering his question would mean having to put all my trust in him again, putting all of myself into a relationship with him again
and as much as i love him, i'm still so broken and i'm still healing from our break up, even though so much time has passed
we left it unanswered, there's so many things that need to be taken into consideration before starting anything again, it's not as simple as it may have been before
but later as i was laying next to him while he was sleeping, the moonlight shone through his window and made everything look so peaceful
and i looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in years
this beautiful man, who has been there for the good and the bad, who knows me inside and out
this man who is just as confused, hurt and vulnerable as i am, putting his feelings out there, something i have never had the guts to do
it made me love him, really love him, as a person, for everything he has done for me
and for the first time i feel like i don't have to justify this to anyone
i love him, and that's enough for me