i answered his phone call tonight and we talked for almost 3 hours
and it was good, like old times, like how things are supposed to be
we both go to the point where we wanted to say 'i love you'
and not out of habit, but because i think we both honestly love one another
there comes a point where all the pain just kinda fades away
no matter the hell you put each other through
you can't help who you fall in love with
as much as i've tried to hide it and fight it
i've tried my best to be angry, but it doesn't work
no matter how mad i was, i still loved him

it's hard to hate him when we have been through so much together
he knows things about me that i haven't been able to tell anyone else
he's the only one who knows and understands how bad my parents separation is getting
and how awful i feel watching their marriage fall apart without being able to do anything
he's the only one who knows the hell i went through when i was younger
and how i'm still dealing with it every day
because he doesn't judge me
he listens, and he always has

i'm happy that he called me
and i'm happy that i picked up
i never thought i would get to the point where i was happy to hear his voice on the other end

i think i need him in my life in one way or another
even if it's just as a friend
even when things were at their worst, i would still rather have him than not
i have honestly never felt okay when he wasn't there